Lately the one thing that irritates me the most is mom shaming. Why do moms feel the need to shame other moms? Don't they realize that we are all just trying to do the best we can with the canvas we've been given? We do not have the same canvas neither do we have the same paints.
What works for me with my children will not work for you with your children. Likewise what works for you, will not work for me. So why feel the need to shame me because I "mom" different than you do?
When it comes to mom shaming, the two main areas I've witnessed are formula vs. breastfeeding and vaccinating vs. unvaccinating. I will not cover the latter in this post because it is known to cause too much controversy and my husband and I choose not to discuss with others what our decision is regarding this matter.
Formula fed vs. Breastfed - what's the big deal? Are mom's just formula feeding their babies because they're lazy or too busy to breast feed? Are they taking the easy way out? Or do they choose to formula feed their babies after struggling to breastfeed their babies after bouts of tears and frustration? We don't know what these moms have gone through so why do we shame them?
Personally, I was excitedly anticipating breastfeeding my son when I was pregnant with him four years ago. I didn't have formula or bottles stocked up to feed my baby. I was planning to feed him what was on tap! Then an exhausting labor turned into an emergency C-section. After delivery, our precious son was whisked away to the NICU due to pneumothorax (collapsed lung) and I was not able to hold him and bond with him until he was 30 hours old. (Those 30 hours were the longest hours of my life.) By the time I held him, Sonny was introduced to the bottle in order to get his weight up so that he could be discharged with me.
I spent hours trying to pump milk for my son. Through tears of frustration and feeling inept, I hooked electric pumps to my breast. When I was finally able to hold my son, I was excited about finally being able to breast feed him. Instead he fussed because my nipples were not cooperating with him. Instead they shriveled up at his every suck. Every hold I tried, the numerous nipple shields I tried, every trick I tried...it wasn't meant to be.
Almost three years later I planned to try breastfeeding again. This time around I had a healthy, hungry girl who knew what she wanted and she wanted it now. She arrived almost two weeks late through an unplanned C-section. Again I tried breastfeeding. I placed her to my breast for feeding after feeding. After a half hour of nothing, Ruth would begin screaming out of frustration. Then I would become frustrated and she would receive her bottle. It got to the point where my nipples were extremely sore from her gnawing on them.
For several months I struggled with feelings of ineptitude. I was a lousy mom because I wasn't able to breastfeed her. Time and time again my husband reassured me. My close friends and family reassured me. But still the struggle lingered.
Now as my husband and I are discussing adding a third little one to our family (God willing) my husband really doesn't want me to try breastfeeding again. We will be looking at yet another C-section, a scheduled one this time, and my husband just wants to save me from yet another emotional roller coaster ride.
WE SHALL SEE...…..
One thing is for sure, I will still be "momming" the best way that I know how. Bottom line: fed is best.
Have any mom shaming stories? Feel free to share by commenting below.
